7 Ways to Find Your Purpose After Divorce

Divorce doesn’t always feel like an exciting “second chance”.

Advice to “find yourself” or “love yourself” seem like useless and annoying platitudes.

But, having experienced divorce, depression, and emotional trauma firsthand…I can assure you – there IS a way to live a fulfilled and meaningful life after divorce.

It’s pretty simple…but certainly not easy.

First and foremost, understand that YOU have the choice to find purpose in the pain or let it consume you.

You can’t move forward until you’ve decided you’ll do whatever it takes to make your future your top priority.

If you’ve made that decision…congratulations!   You’re ready to bounce-back into your life and your purpose.  Here are 7 ways you can begin.

7 Ways to Find Your Purpose After Divorce

1. ACCEPT HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THE DIVORCE

Make space to experience all your emotions.

Give yourself this time to be “messy” and not at your best.

Resist the temptation to hide or become over-busy.

Divorce grief is on the same level as the death of a loved-one. The life that you knew is complete, and the person you used to be is no longer.

Recognize and honor your grief…you can’t skip this part…no matter how uncomfortable and tumultuous.

2. COMMIT TO HEALING YOUR DIVORCE WOUNDS AND CREATING NEW HEALTHY HABITS AND RELATIONSHIPS

Just as you made the decision to start the healing journey (instead of languishing), continue to recognize that you have choices, and make the ones that are right for the person you want to become.

Take care of yourself as you’d take care of someone you deeply love.

Don’t let yourself get stuck…allow the pain and all the other emotions to have space, but if you find yourself unable to make any steps forward, reach out for help.

Set goals for the future and act on them slowly…one step at a time, not the whole staircase at once.

Remember that coping is not the same as healingWhile healthy coping strategies are an important part of the healing journey, true and lasting changes come from reprogramming the deeply ingrained thoughts and habits that linger in our subconscious minds after divorce.

3. DATE YOURSELF

Don’t be tempted to fill the void in your life with another partner (or your ex) to avoid the feelings of loneliness and desperation.

Stay committed to yourself, your healing journey, and your future to avoid a hard rebound.

Take the time you need to make sense of the past.  This is sometimes referred to as “processing”.

4. GET COMFORTABLE SPENDING TIME ALONE

Your life has been intertwined with another’s for so long that it’s hard to define where your identity starts and ends.

As you go about your day, ask yourself if you like what you do and think, or if you’re settling for leftovers from the “married” version of you?

Do you like who you are now?

What can you do to be just a little more content?

What pieces of past relationships are you holding on to?

Doing things alone is how we learn to be happy again and gain confidence in our new lives.

Go to a movie or out to dinner alone.

Take a relaxing bath or read a book.

View your time alone as a luxury.  It’s the perfect space for “processing” and healing.

Get out of your comfort zone and give yourself permission to try new things.

Grow…explore who you are now…remember what it’s like to have fun.


5. CONNECT WITH YOUR PASSIONS

Think about what you want and who you want to be. You have the power to create your future.

What to you love?

What do you stand for?

What pieces of the past do you want to take with you into the next chapter, and what pieces will stay behind?

6. FEED YOUR MIND A HEALTHY DIET

Research your sources of information and be selective about what thoughts and ideas you consume.

Locate resources and support you can trust and ignore the rest.

Focus on the future if you don’t want to stay stuck in that past.

Expect to lose some friends along the way. Not everyone will understand you and the changes that you need to make in your life. It’s OK.

Deepen your compassion for yourself and others.

Being vulnerable (in a safe environment) and telling your story allows deeper connection with yourself and others.

7. THINK ABOUT HOW YOU THINK

Learn how to process and reprogram negative thought patterns, especially those involving your ex and your own self-worth.

Affirm your “why”: Why do you want to feel better? Why is it worth doing the hard work to heal?

Reframe your divorce:  it’s not a punishment and it’s not the end of the road.  It really can be a beautiful new chapter.

Purpose is fundamental to health, happiness, and healing…it is not just another luxury.  Identifying your personal purpose and letting it guide you is part of journey. Figuring out your purpose will lead you to discover passion, fulfillment and joy. Be patient with the process and with yourself.

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Rebecca Wolf

Divorce Recovery Coach | Trauma Informed Helping women leave divorce in the past and fall in love with life email: help@rebeccawolfcoaching.com

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